Greenback Boogie

Greenback Boogie

October 31, 2020 · by · in , , , ,

“Money is the mother’s milk of politics” – Jesse M. Unruh, 1966

Each day I get more than 20 requests for money from both political parties. The friendly missives come via text and email. Happily, they haven’t discovered my WhatsApp account yet.

The requests come from the candidates, their wives (Jill Biden has the most compelling, albeit, so far unsuccessful appeal), their running mates and other notable and not so notable people in their party (Madeline Albright?).

I even get requests from the President’s children. I haven’t heard from Hunter Biden yet. I suppose he has bigger fish to fry when it comes to money.

Some are quite insistent. Two days ago, Kamala wrote that it was the last time she was going to ask. Then today, I got another request, stating that it is the last time she is going to ask. Eric Trump wondered why I hadn’t responded to several texts from his Dad and Mike Pence.

Then there are the Senate candidates in assorted states who are worried about losing their government sinecures.

The requests are oddly for very small amounts. “Can you send $5 or $12 before tonight’s deadline?” It is the political equivalent of, “Spare change, buddy?”

I’m glad the panhandlers haven’t discovered social media yet. Can you imagine walking past the local strung out heroin addict sitting on the sidewalk in San Francisco and the guy looks up and says, “Why didn’t you answer my text?”

Five dollars isn’t much, but then if you can drag $5 out of one million people, well, that would be, $5 million!

All of the writers point out that if I do not send them money we are risking (pick one) (a) the end of the rule of law, (b) the end of our democracy (c) living under the yoke of socialism or (d) riots in the streets etc.

It seems we already have that last one. Perhaps the rioters have noted my lack of support for their candidate (or any candidate). For those in Kenosha, Minneapolis, Dallas, Milwaukee, Houston, Portland, Seattle, LA, Atlanta, NYC, Philly, San Francisco, Oakland and so many others, please accept my sincere apology.

Today I was thinking that after Tuesday, I wouldn’t see any more messages from these public servants and concerned citizens. But then I remembered that combined the two parties have deployed some 6,000 lawyers around the country. These lawyers and assorted judges may decide the winners of the elections, so they are important.

And, as we all know, lawyers don’t come cheap.